Do you remember the time... when we fell in love.

I would often joke that Mummy Cher was lucky to have me walk into her life back in 2003 (ok ok, more like stumble into the NTU Photo-Videographic Society meeting room).  捡到宝了 (she found treasure), I would insist, before brainwashing her into believing that she had found the rarest diamond in the rough.  Our lives 11 years on, as promised to her, have improved tremendously.  But looking back, exactly who was the person who struck diamond?

My listening ear

Being an objective and opinionated person, I would be quick to argue communicate with her on what she should or shouldn't do, from work to domestic issues.  There is just no way I will pay almost double the price for the over-indulgent three-ply toilet paper (but she would!).  Well yeah, I guess you can call me a real pain in the ass.

Luckily for me (and our bottoms), she is not like that.  No matter what problems I have with work and in life, she would be my listening ear and take everything in with compassion and not doubt.  And no matter what course of action I choose to take, she would offer her own opinion but ultimately provide her unwavering support.  Trust me, it is extremely difficult to give your full attention when the corporate tax manager in me is explaining how a particular tax advice/issue caused me to work through the night.

On the other hand, whenever she shares stories from her marketing job, I could only muster something along the lines of "Woah, that actress was at the event?  Is she hot?  Which part is fake ah?".  Oh well...

My pillar of strength

I very often think that I am the strong one in the relationship.  Afterall, I have crawled myself out of adversity and do not break down no matter what life throws at me.  In retrospect, I actually drew strength from her to deal with life's shitty moments.  It is just so reassuring to know that she will be there for me.

She is the real strong one who would pick herself up after losing our unborn child (while I wallowed in self pity).  She is the real strong one who wouldn't mind losing life's luxuries if it meant we were happier (while I grumbled about not having enough money to buy that swanky freehold property in District 15).  She is the real strong one who would bear the pain of child birth for hours until the doctor decided that an emergency C-section was required (while I waited outside the operating theatre wondering if there was enough light inside for a good shot on my DSLR).  She is so much stronger than she thinks she is.

My self-sacrificing partner

I sometimes tell people that although I have sacrificed my time for kids, it is worth it.  The thing is, it's not really a sacrifice if I gained much more in the process, is it?

On the other hand, she was the one who sacrificed the comforts of her home and hostel by staying with me in that cockroach infested run-down flat 10 years ago.  She was the one who sacrificed herself to take care of the kids whenever I wanted to watch/play soccer, sleep a little longer or go out with my friends.  She was the one who sacrificed herself to go back on her own if I needed wanted to put in more hours at work.  She was the one who took leave to bring the kids to the doctors, when I didn't think it was possible for me to do so.

Thank you, Mummy Cher, for being my listening ear, pillar of strength and self-sacrificing partner. 我真的捡到宝了!

Remember the time

It is so easy to be caught up with our careers, children and distractions (such as Flappy Bird) and end up neglecting the people who have stood by us for so long and mean the most to us.  This Valentine's Day, I hope parents out there will take a minute or two in between the main course and the dessert of their ridiculously over-priced VDay meal, and remember the time... when you fell in love.


Cleo Magazine (February 2007)

Female Brides (Fall 2009)

 

Surprise video for Mummy Cher shown during our 2009 wedding

Paris Je T'aime - Our 2009 wedding morning express photo highlights

 

Tokyo Holiday (2010)

Motherhood Magazine (June 2013)

This post is part of a Valentine's Day series, brought to you by Daddy Matters (https://www.facebook.com/DaddyMatters).

Nick Pan: Divine Intervention
Stranger In Bangkok: Celebrating half our lives together
Howard Lee: For Better or Worse
Sengkang Babies: Who is Daddy's Valentine? 
Patrick Pang: My Wife, My Soulmate
Mommy Said Daddy Said: Made for Each Other
The Blogfather: 28 Valentines, 1 True Love
Ed Unloaded: Will You Be My Valentine?
Princess Dana Diaries: The Ring, The Shoes and the Handbag - a Valentines' Day Dedication
The Wacky Duo: A Valentine's Day Letter
J Babies' Dad: No One More Special Than You
Cheekiemonkie: All I'll Ever Need is You
Tribolum: Recollection

Singapore Budget 2014 Wishlist for Parents

Budget season is upon us again, with the 2014 edition to be delivered on 21 February 2014.  While the 2013 Budget missed the mark by my reckoning, it is my wish again that the focus on increasing productivity would shift from the work space to the family space.

 

My Budget wishlist for 2014 can be summarised as the three Es - Enable, Encourage and Enhance.

Enable family life by fulfilling the urgent housing needs of first timers with children

The Parenthood Priority Scheme (PPS) unveiled in 2013 was supposed to provide priority allocation to first-timer married couples with a citizen child below the age of 16 (including those expecting a child) for Build-To-Order (BTO) and Sale of Balance Flats (SBF) flats to better meet their housing needs.  Under the PPS, 30% of the BTO flat supply and 50% of the SBF flats will be set aside.

While the percentages look generous, the fact is that many of those with a real urgent need for an immediate house would still be subjected to a ballot.  With each failed ballot, the next SBF exercise is another six months away, by which more people would be joining the ballot under the PPS.

I think the government needs to realise that the needs of first timer families with children are very different than those of first timer couples and second timers.  Luck should be taken out of the equation for first timer families with children by changing the allocation system for SBF to a phased approach, similar to the Primary One registration system.  This means that, unless the number of applicants under the PPS exceeds that of the number of flats available, ALL first timer families with children will get to select a ready flat.  This approach will better match the urgency of the applicants to the time it takes to move into a flat.

Encourage parenthood by providing support for assisted conception

Currently, couples seeking Assisted Reproduction Technology (ART) treatments in public hospitals can receive co-funding for the cost of their ART treatment cycle, for a maximum of 3 fresh and 3 frozen ART cycles, and up to a maximum of 75% or $6,300/$1,200.

I think the government can do more in this area.  It is hard on couples that face difficulties in natural conception, be it due to genetics, age or health.  It would really encourage them to try harder for a baby if they do not have to worry about or be discouraged by the hefty medical bills that come with assisted conception.  Limiting co-funding to treatments in public hospital also puts unnecessary strain on public healthcare, and discourages couples that prefer the private route.

My wish is for the percentage for funding to be increased to a maximum of 100%.  At the same time, funding should apply to treatments in private hospitals as well.  With the monetary caps still in place, the government do not spend more on each couple, regardless of which hospital the couple chooses.  The government will only spend more on this enhanced funding if more couples seek ART treatments, and that would be a good outcome, surely?

Enhance family bonds by providing more childcare leave

An employee is entitled to six days of childcare leave per year, regardless of the number of qualifying children he/she has.  If you have two children, that's three days per child.  If you have three, that's two days per child.  No matter how I look at it, it still looks like a substantial reduction in time that you can spend with your precious ones.

Instead of just recognising the challenges of parenthood (by giving a fixed amount of childcare leave regardless of the number of kids), I think that the government should recognise the challenges of having each additional child by giving additional childcare leave.  It could be for example, six days of childcare leave for the first child, and then three additional days for each additional child.

Of course, that doesn't mean that we can only spend quality time with our children while on childcare leave.  But if there is any organisation or body out there that should send signals on what type of parenthood is desirable for the nation, it has to be the government, right?

Share with us your wishlist for Singapore Budget 2014 by leaving us a comment!

I have fallen in love again...

In 10 weeks, I find myself falling in love with this little girl and have developed a deeper bond and feeling for her. Looking into her eyes, there is so much ahead of her and so much we can share as mum and daughter, it really excites me. I can't wait to be her listening ear, her shoulder to lean and cry on, to be by her side as she grows up & indulge in girly treats together. That's a long way ahead and for now, I am cherishing the moments we share as our eyes lock, singing softly to her and just watching her fall asleep in my arms. There is something different about a mother & son relationship versus that of a mother & daughter and I am truly blessed to be able to embrace both of these.

Before becoming mum, it was all about the love story between Daddy Darren and myself. We had our own share of disagreements, times where it was challenging, but we chose each other and are committed to working things out and loving each other even stronger than before. When Aiden came along, we found ourselves falling in love with this charming cheeky little boy who can be manipulative at age 3. When I was pregnant with Ava, I had my doubts as I wasn't sure how I could love another as much. And now what can I say, but I think I have fallen in love, again.

Becoming parents, our priorities shift and we devote a lot of our time bonding with our kids, and spending time together as a family. I constantly remind myself that besides Aiden and Ava, I need to spend quality time with Daddy Darren as he is the love of my life. I feel I am a better mum to my kids when I feel loved and appreciated by Daddy Darren. It gives me an energy boost to face the late night wakings and hyperactive toddler. In 2014, I strive to strike a better balance and develop a stronger bond with each of my three loved ones.

Galloping into a Hor-Seh New Year

The Chinese New Year goodies may still be on our dining table (we bought too much as usual), but the super long weekend is already over.  Looking back at the past few days, it might be the most enjoyable and meaningful CNY in recent years for me.

Enjoyable, because we don't have to deal with the Top 4 most hated CNY questions anymore - "When are you getting attached?", "When are you getting married?", "When are you having a child?" and "When are you having another child?".  Meaningful, because I reconnected with relatives whom I have lost touch with over the years, and spent quality time with Mummy Cher, Aiden, Ava, friends and family.  That's what CNY should be about - sincere and meaningful conversations and quality time with loved ones!  Having yummy goodies is a bonus!

May the year of the horse bring peace, happiness and good fortune to you and your family!  Hor-Seh New Year!

Of fake kidnaps and real worries

It's one of the greatest fears of a parent.  No, I'm not talking about the moment when your kids ask "Daddy, where do babies come from???".  I'm talking about the fear of your precious ones being kidnapped.  We may not have the millions of Sheng Siong's CEO (his mother was kidnapped), but to us our kids are priceless!  Surely they could be targeted by kidnappers?!

A couple of weeks ago, I noticed that many were sharing a shocking account of an attempted kidnap at Legoland, Malaysia.  Apparently, after a search on the premises, the parents finally found their son and were horrified to see that "he has been shaved botak, changed his clothes and shoes, and was placed in a stroller being pushed out of the place."  Also, "... the kid was found to be in a drowsy state, believed to be given something to smell to knock him out.".

My first thought was that it didn't sound very bad, since somebody gave their son a free makeover with the haircut, clothes and shoes and even babysit him for a couple of hours....  Just kidding!

While the story was quickly clarified to be a hoax, the worry of losing your children to kidnappers or abductors is very real.  This video made by ad agency TBWA Kuala Lumpur sums it up very nicely - “A moment of neglect, a lifetime of regret”.

I then wondered, there must be some gizmo out there that can prevent such incidents from happening?  And true to the PriviKids belief, surely there is a gizmo that can also make a fashion statement at the same time?  I did some research, and found this!

Say hello to FiLiP, the world's first smart locator and phone for kids.  Yes, it's a phone too so you can literally (and verbally) say hello to it.  This device kinda brings us back to the future, as your kids would only be able to communicate (via messages and voicecall) with up to 5 preset numbers.  Remember those good old days when a mobile phone is only for making calls to your parents (and maybe the two friends you have)?  It is a smart locator as well, so alerts can go off on your phone when your kid wanders out of the pre-determined 'safezone'.  Needless to say, you can find out where your child is at any point in time.  It also comes with an emergency button which when pressed, sends you location data, starts recording ambient sound (scenes from the movie Taken anyone?) and gives you a call.  AND, it comes in a great design and in various colours.

This little thing is really perfect for parents like me who don't want to put an iPhone/smartphone in the hands of a toddler/tween.

Unfortunately, for us in Singapore, this is only available in the US for now (it was just launched in November 2013).  We contacted the makers in the US and tried to bring the device here through PriviKids, but I guess it's just not in their plans at the moment.  Do you think there is a sizable market for such a device here?

Us Before Ava - Family & Maternity Photography

Just five days before Ava arrived (this wasn't planned!), we arranged to have our family pictures taken by Bambini Photography. As it was a last minute decision to have this photo shoot done (when I was 34 weeks pregnant), we arranged for it to take place as soon as we could, when I was 35 weeks 3 days pregnant. We were also worried that Ava would arrive prematurely like her brother, Aiden, at 35 weeks. Darren jokingly said that our kids would wait till mummy has seen her maternity photography before popping. And true enough, as soon as I went through the pictures from the photo shoot on an ordinary Sunday afternoon, my water bag broke and that Sunday was our precious girl, Ava's birth day.

Here are some tips on taking family / maternity photography:

1) When to take maternity pictures?
Normally maternity photography takes places from 33 weeks onwards. However, if some of you would like to have your belly in full bloom, you can do it between week 35 - 37 but that would depend on the history of your previous births (if you had a history of early births, it would be better to schedule the shoot earlier).  I took mine at week 35 for both Aiden and Ava. Interestingly, both of them came as soon as I have reviewed the pictures, Aiden 1 day after and Ava 5 days after. 

2) Where and what time to arrange the shoot?
I would recommend the outdoors, somewhere familiar where you and your family spent time together. There would also be better lighting outdoors but this is subject to good weather which is often unpredictable in Singapore. We decided to take ours in the evening when the weather is cooler, and we could catch a glimpse of the evening sky. We chose Bedok Reservoir Park where we have taken walks, cycled and dined as a family.
For indoor shoot, we would do it at home, focusing on the balcony area.

3) What to wear for family and maternity photography?
We prefer a more relaxed and casual session where we can all enjoy ourselves while the photographer captures shots of our family. That said, we selected comfortable clothing for ourselves and Aiden in coordinated white, khaki and denim. Aiden is also wearing the denim shirt and khaki bermudas from PriviKids latest collection.
For those of you who prefer brighter colors or bold prints, it might be trickier in coordinating but as long as there is a similar element across each family member, go ahead!

The photographer was a young lady, Yong En, who was patient and took time to warm up with Aiden before the shoot. Here are some of my favorites from our session:

 

For those of you pregnant mums who are still considering if you should sign up for a maternity photography session, I would strongly urge you to do so as these are precious memories of yourself & your family before baby arrives.

Three Things about the Heather Chua Episode

Move over MCE cos HCE is now in the spotlight!  The Internet forums and Facebook are abuzz again, but they are no longer talking about the $4.3billion Marina Coastal Expressway.  Instead, it's the Heather Chua Episode that is taking centre stage in the social media.  The million dollar HCE question seems to be, just who is this elitist 40 year old RGS alumnus that lives in Sentosa Cove?

Not Heather Chua. Not Sentosa Cove either.

Well, one thing's for sure, while the MCE is making a reputation for being all jammed up, Heather Chua is certainly letting loose and suffering from an extended bout of verbal diarrhoea on Facebook.

Singaporeans under attack?

The saga is still unfolding, with the infamous SMRT Ltd (Feedback) Facebook page getting into the act for an epic troll battle, but I'll just share three thoughts about the Heather Chua episode after reading through some Facebook/forum comments/reactions.

Elitism hits a raw nerve among Singaporeans

The signs that elitism is causing splits in our society are there for all to see.  Just take a look at some of the comments by people on her Facebook page.  So much resentment, anger and hatred against the rich/successful/powerful, against fellow Singaporeans.  People genuinely feel that the odds are unfairly stacked against them, and that they are in a lower class.  I reckon if the wounds are not so deep, we wouldn't be seeing so much backlash?

Common sense is not so common

Perhaps it is the emotions taking over, but it is quite disconcerting to see well educated people reacting to Heather Chua as if she is real.  Whatever happened to good old fashioned common sense?  What's worse is that our mainstream media (i.e. Chinese tabloids) have already picked up this story and presented Heather Chua as a real person.  In case you still have (no) doubts over the authenticity of Heather Chua, check out these links (here and here).  Also, just take a look at her Facebook page profile.  You'll be hard pressed to find a 40 year old woman who is a fan of Dennis Rodman, Kurt Angle, George Best, Ryan Giggs and Eric Cantona?  And, she claims to have graduated with a Bachelor of Engineering degree in Industrial and Systems Engineering at the NUS in 1995. Well, according to the NUS website, the programme was only launched in 2001??  Lastly, I really don't think anybody from RGS would be stupid enough to say what was said on Facebook.

Never go full retard

The person behind Heather Chua may be having a great time now laughing at all the reactions and emotions that were stirred up (HDB dwellers, opposition supporters, ITE students and non-luxury car owners form a huge sample size obviously) but I thought racial discrimination was uncalled for.  With racial harmony being such an important part of Singapore's social fabric, I won't be surprised if the police steps in eventually and finds out exactly who is Heather Chua, faster than you can say 'Messiah', or in her case, 'Mclaren MP4-12C'!