Cooler, or colder?

As Mummy Cher moves into the 30th week of her pregnancy, I realised that I have been much more nonchalant compared to when she was pregnant with Aiden.  This was quite normal, according to most people I spoke to.  It's a case of 'been there done that', they say.  But on some days, I wonder why I am so 'cold'.  Where's the equal and unbiased love that I proudly proclaimed when Mummy Cher asked if I would love our second child less?

I think it is more of a mixture of worrying about how we can cope with two kids and keep both of them as happy as Aiden is, and also acknowledging that there is always a slight possibility, touchwood, that things outside our control can happen.  Just before this pregnancy, Mummy Cher and I were still recovering from an early miscarriage.  It was with surprise and trepidation that I received the good news, and even now, I am taking it one day at a time.

Forest Gump's mum was probably sugar-coating it when she told her son that life is like a box of chocolates.  It is actually also filled with other stuff that are hard to stomach.  She did get the part about not knowing what you will get right though.  Last month, a good friend of mine had to deal with the pain of losing his newborn to an infection.  I also heard news from Mummy Cher about her colleague's baby Neira suffering from a rare form of disease.  Thankfully, in the case of the latter, baby Neira's battle for survival was picked up in the social media and the last I heard, donations are pouring in and she also did well in recent operations.

These two pieces of bad news affected me greatly, and reminded me of how fragile and precious life is.  Perhaps I am not colder, but cooler?  I will do my best to raise Ava in a loving and happy environment when she finally arrives.  But for now, I am going to keep Aiden happy, one day at a time.