Easy Peasy Transitions

They say kids are highly adaptable, and I couldn't agree more from the 2 transitions I have been through with Aiden: (1) Weaning off breastfeeding & (2) Moving from co-sleeping in our bed to sleeping independently.  

I was really unsure when to make these two transition and worry about change. Aiden's adaptability and transition for both really surprised and impressed me. There was no lead time at all. No resistance. No hesitation (oh well, the hesitation and worrying comes mainly from me and me alone).

I recall when Aiden was approaching 12 months old, and I returned to work for about 8 months, breastfeeding frequency has dipped, as well as milk supply with hectic work schedule & rising stress level. I was worried that he wouldn't cope well with the transition to formula milk. After months of worrying and increased effort in stocking up (worrying contributes to the dip in milk supply unfortunately), finally I decided to slowly wean Aiden off when he was 12 months old. It's as though we were telepathic. As soon as I decided to wean Aiden off breastfeeding, he decided that he was no longer interested, and turned to bottle feeding & formula milk with ease the next day. He never turned back. To date, he still enjoys his daily doses of formula.

Aiden at 17 months

I ended up being the one experiencing withdrawal symptoms, and felt lost when I no longer get to bond with him. I still miss the feeling now, and felt it was really essential in bonding with your baby.

Co-sleeping in our bed was brought about by breastfeeding as well. I wanted the ease to feed Aiden on demand, and being able to respond to his needs conveniently. This led to him sleeping in between Darren & I for 2 years. Recently, Aiden turned two and just yesterday, he decided he will sleep in his own cot bed on his own in his room. This is a really big step. And it surprised me as it happened just like that. Without hesitation. Without any smaller transition steps.

I have contemplated several times since he was 18 months to move him to his own room, but worry that he may be afraid to sleep alone, he may not be used to the other bed, he may need attention in the middle of the night... Then come yesterday when we were playing in his room, and he laid on the cot bed. I spoke to him about him being a big boy now and suggested he sleeps on his own bed from today. He nodded. Through various events in the day, I've forgotten about this at bedtime. Strangely, Aiden keeps pointing to his room and wanted to sleep in his cot bed. He fell asleep shortly after, and instead of having a good night sleep with the bed to ourselves, I became sleep deprived through waking more than 6 times throughout the night, and checking on him! I am still pro co-sleeping, just that the transition could have been earlier - but as long as we are all happy & comfortable with the arrangement at that point in time.

Aiden at 11 months

Through these transitions, I realized how kids are really adaptable and tough, sometimes even more so than adults are. They embrace change better than us too. There's so much to learn, experience and discover with them as they grow, and I am really looking forward to the days ahead with Aiden.

Happy 2nd Birthday Aiden!

And so, Aiden turned 2 last Wednesday.  Our little Valentino was privileged enough to have not one but two birthday celebrations this year!  The first was on his actual birthday in school and the second was three days later at Long Beach East Coast Parkway with close relatives.

We joined Aiden in school in the afternoon after picking up the cake from Tampines.  After arranging the tables and chairs and treats for the kids, the teacher brought Aiden and the other children to the eating area.

Aiden chose this cake.

Goodie bags with toys, stationery and snacks.

How pampered are kids nowadays!  Goodie bags were mandatory (says the Principal) and the teacher was slightly surprised that we took no time at all to set up the party.  Do other kids usually have elaborate (read: expensive) set ups for their birthdays?  I was told some even specially print backdrops so that pictures would look nicer.  太夸张了吧？In the end Aiden and the kids seemed to enjoy themselves so I think it was money well (un)spent. :D

Their expressions are priceless!

Pffft!

Drinking his favourite Yakult.

Not easy to get cheeky Aiden to smile this way.

Playgroup and Nursery celebrating together.

Happy and excited to distribute goodie bags to everyone.

Smiled like this because he knew I would buy him presents later.

With the heavy rain still unrelenting these few days, we were lucky that it stopped briefly when we arrived at Long Beach for seafood dinner.  We (i.e. Cheryl and me) have been craving for seafood for some time and Aiden's birthday was the perfect occasion excuse to do so!

The happiest person at the table (and rightly so) was Aiden, with big balloons, candles to blow out, cake to cut, presents to unwrap and people to bully (he loves beating Jasmine, one of his favourite aunts).

The rest of us were thoroughly entertained by Aiden's antics, although the food was not as good as Jumbo (where we usually go to).  Kids really give as much as they take.

I'm glad Aiden is growing well and is a happy kid.  Happy Birthday my dear son!

Flashback: Valentines' Day 2011

I admit... that I am not a fan of paying marked up prices for Valentines' Day roses, chocolates, presents and restaurant set menus.  It just sounds too ridiculous to pay that kind of money to buy a little bit of commercialised happiness on the fourteenth day of February.  I might not even remember the details by the time the next Valentine's Day comes again!

On the 2011 edition of Valentines' Day, fate intervened and gave us a staycation that we would never forget.

No. Not Capella Singapore, the ultra swanky hotel in Sentosa.

 No no no! Not the spectacular Marina Bay Sands hotel either.

Hotel de TMC, Premier Single Room.

That's me, enjoying the luxurious faux leather sofa bed and trying to catch a wink during our short stay at the Thomson Medical Centre over Valentines' Day.

A day before, on 13 February, we did an early 4am check-in at the hospital after Cheryl's water bag decided to burst at 35 weeks.  Still feeling groggy from the lack of sleep having just fallen into deep slumber after watching a late night soccer game, I rushed Cheryl down to the hospital under the advice of our gynae Dr Adrian Woodworth.

After a harrowing 12 hour experience - from trying to go all natural to getting the epidural done to watching the baby heartbeat disappear off the machine readings every few minutes for hours to having to feed Cheryl with pure oxygen to worrying about losing our baby to trying to hide the grave situation from Cheryl to the gynae deciding that it is too risky for a normal birth to waiting for the emergency caesarian to begin to waiting for the appropriate moment for me to go into the operating theater to watching the doctors pushing hard and pulling our baby out safely among the entangled umbilical cord, Aiden was finally born (slightly premature and at the birth weight of 2.74kg) into this world!

So embarrassing.

Did I mention that I also had enough time to make a fool of myself to a nurse when I wore the surgical cap meant for my shoes on my head instead as I waited outside the operating theater?  While praying for the safety of mummy and baby outside, I was wondering why the hell did they make those caps so impossibly small for my head and why they gave me an extra one.  Is there going to be alot of blood splattering around to warrant an extra surgical cap?!?!?  As the nurse did not break into uncontrollable laughter when she told me about the right way to use the surgical caps, I assumed that I am not the only man who made this mistake in the history of the hospital/mankind.  Do let me know if you know anyone in the same boat.  It will make me feel better.

And so, with limited energy and time (By day, I was spending time with Cheryl/Aiden or running errands.  By night, I sneaked into office to work on urgent stuff that needed my immediate attention.) we celebrated our 8th Valentines' Day together simply with some (not very tasty) macaroons bought from the Delifrance outlet in the hospital and with a third party between us - this little man called Aiden.  No expensive roses, chocolates, presents and restaurant set menus.

  

It's the best Valentines' Day yet. :)

Welcoming the year of the water snake

新年快乐，恭喜发财！

I don't remember a Chinese New Year that was this wet!  It really is the year of the water snake.  With rain pouring down everyday without fail (more predictable than the next arriving MRT train?) over the super long weekend, it has definitely, pun intended, dampened the high spirits that we had as we left work last Friday.  Flash floods (or ponding according to a not very popular alternative definition) were a daily sight.  We even saw a Citycab taxi ending up in a ditch at the entrance to PIE on Saturday.  Luckily no one was injured.

I'm just glad that I was too busy/tired/lazy to wash and wax my car for the Chinese New Year.  It would have been a tremendous waste of time, although it would have negated the effects of eating one too many pineapple tarts (slightly).  As I drove the car out of the carpark and into the perfect storm, I sniggered at the impeccably maintained paintwork of my neighbors' cars (but soon to be looking like mine).

Aiden on the way to my brother's place to 拜年.

Ahhh, our first world problems.  We are a privileged bunch of people.

So how did Aiden deal with the gloomy weather?  With a pair of boots of course!  It's the perfect way to look different and quickly glam up a simple looking outfit.  And, during the year of the water snake, it's the most functional piece to have in your kid's wardrobe.  Get a pair today and keep those happy feet dry!

Population White Paper - Being one in 6.9 million

And so, today in Parliament, the Population White Paper was endorsed by a vote of 77 to 13.  The result was inevitable, and the way the White Paper was shoved down our throats, regrettable.  Political views aside, the targets/projections/worst case scenarios that were revealed during the past week provided me with quite a bit of food for thought.

Singapore in 2030, as the ruling party sees it, would be a place with more immigrants and more foreign workers.  It will be more of the same of what we have seen in the last 10 years - sudden influx of immigrants and foreign workers who fail to integrate into our society, causing social problems and hampering the strengthening of the Singaporean core.

Aiden is not happy about the Population White Paper.

I wonder how Aiden would cope in 2030.  He would be 19 years old by then, perhaps serving National Service after doing his A Levels.

Would he be serving his nation with pride?  Would he be glad that he is living in a vibrant and cosmopolitan city state enjoying a high standard of living?  Would he be a patriotic young man willing to defend his country with his life?

Or would he be wondering why he has to waste 2 years of his life while half of his male JC classmates get a headstart in university?  Would he be trying to get by solely on his meager NS allowance because his parents are already struggling with the cost of living that has spiraled out of control?  Would he be wondering who exactly he is protecting should there be a war - his fellow Singaporeans or people who are treating Singapore as a stepping stone/money making opportunity with no real intention to stay and integrate?

With things coincidentally going not very well at work, I did think about the possibility of migrating in the future.  Afterall, statistics show that this is on the uptrend over the years.  I also have some (older) friends who have taken the leap of faith and swore never to return.  Label them 'leavers' or 'quitters'?  I don't know, but they look like they have 'happy' engraved on their foreheads, permanently.

For now, the thought of leaving behind our loved ones/friends to begin a new life in a foreign land is too daunting.  It might be a regrettable way to deal with a bleak future.  Or would it also be inevitable?

How are you preparing for 2030?

How protective should parents be?

The tragic news of the two brothers who were killed in a horrific accident in Tampines (at the junction of Tampines Avenue 9 and Tampines Street 45) last week gripped the nation.  Even if you have not seen the very graphic and disturbing accident photos, it doesn't take much imagination to know what the result will be when a young cyclist and his pillion rider goes under a cement mixer truck.  Just thinking about it makes my eyes watery.  It is a cruel way to lose two young lives.  My condolences to the family of the two brothers.

I will not jump to conclusions about the accident as there are too many unknowns.  It would be very unfair to put the blame on the truck driver without a thorough investigation.

The other question that arises from this incident has to be whether we should be protective parents, in what degree and until what age?

I firmly believe that life's lessons are best learnt not through teaching but through experience.  That is why I allow Aiden to fall repeatedly, to experiment with things, to get hurt a little.  It has made it easier for him to understand why he shouldn't play with the fan, why he should keep his toys after use, why he cannot jump from a high point.  It has also made him more resilient.  Developing a child's Adversity Quotient is as important as his Intelligence Quotient and the Emotional Quotient.

But with news like this, I wonder whether I should be more protective over him, to avoid putting him in harm's way unnecessarily.  It really is difficult.

Remember to give your kids a tight hug today.

No more beating

Since Aiden started school, we have heard of incidents of him beating and kicking. I started reflecting if it was my own doing as I occasionally spank him when he misbehaves.

I never thought thrice about beating. Everytime he does something really naughty, like spilling water from a cup on purpose, jumping on the bed despite warnings - I have the urge to discipline him through beating. This is after I tried to explain to him the consequence and not to repeat the act. If he doesn't listen once, I will try explaining to him again and when he repeats the act, I will ask for his hands or spank his thigh/ butt. I made sure I told him why I am doing this. I regret it almost everytime I do so.

So I looked online on why hitting your child is bad, and how to stop your child from hitting. These top 5 reasons against hitting, is sufficient to make me swear off beating him ever again.

Reason 1: Your child models your action
A very classic story about a mum who believed that spanking is a necessary part of disciplining her child. One day, she observed her 3 year old hitting her 1 year old son. When confronted, her daughter told her 'I was just playing mummy.' That's really shocking and this mum never spanked another child. As children love to imitate especially people they love, they perceive that it is okay for them to do whatever you do. After 2 weeks of attending school, Aiden expressed great resentment towards school, and us. It was really hurting. He chased us out of my parent's place and started to hit us as well.

Reason 2: Hitting solves all problems
Spanking demonstrates that it is alright for people to hit people, especially for bigger people to hit smaller people and for stronger people to hit weaker people. Children learn that they can solve problems through beating. I feel that Aiden's beating could be due to a lack of words as he is unable to communicate what he wants. Hopefully he will be encouraged to speak more.

Reason 3:  Hit-hug ratio
Most people think that 'But so many of us are brought up this way (through spanking)', 'I don't spank my child that much or hard, most of the time I shower him with love. The occasional spank on the butt will not bother him.' It's frightening to learn that this rationalization does not hold true for all children. Despite us thinking that our hit-hug ratio is 1:100, there's still risk of your child remembering that 1 hit than all the 100 hugs you gave him - especially when the hit was delivered in anger or unjustly which is most often the case. This is so true, it scares me.

Reason 4: Hand slapping = delayed exploratory development
It is indeed tempting to slap those little hands. I have often asked Aiden for his hands to slap when he repeatedly committed naughty acts. I read that children's hands are tools for exploring, an extension of their curiosity. Slapping them sends a powerful negative message. Research by psychologists showed that children who were punished with a slap on the hand when they did something forbidden, were found less skilled at exploring their environment. So it is definitely better to separate the child from the forbidden object or supervise his exploration and leave little hands unhurt.

Reason 5: Hitting brings back bad memories
It is amazing how unpleasant memories from your childhood can block out all the positive loving memories and this is one big reason I am swearing off beating.

There's so much more reasons against hitting and hundreds of studies all come to the same conclusions:
1. The more physical punishment a child receives, the more aggressive he or she will become & he/she will be abusive towards their own children.

2.  Spanking plants seeds for violent behavior later in life.

3. Spanking doesn't work. 

It is quite a realization for me. Understanding how spanking doesn't work and only serves to create distance between the child and parent and contributes to a violent society. I will learn to be more patient and try to talk to Aiden calmly when he pulls his next stunt. In the long run, I believe this will contribute to him being more well behaved & a home with less violence and hatred.
So breathe in, stay calm and smile!

Aiden's many funny expressions after school (23 months)